During my healing journey and the growth of my business, I have surrounded myself (in person and online) with others who have done what I want to achieve. They say you are the sum of the 5 people closest to you and it’s important to me to have those individuals be people who uplevel my life.
When seeking answers, improvement or growth, It’s completely normal to look to others who have it figured out already for answers. Why reinvent the wheel? But this becomes a problem when your investigation becomes your sole purpose and you stop listening to your own inner guidance and body. Plus are you even sure they have it truly figured out?
Do you ever find yourself comparing your body, diet or workout routine to another woman?
Maybe she’s a friend, coworker or someone on social media. I’ll admit that I fall into the comparison trap sometimes myself but I’ve learned it gets me nowhere other than feeling bad about myself. And when you feel bad about yourself, you are not showing up to the world as YOU.
Once I became aware of how often I compared myself, I started shutting down the negative voices that popped up around comparison:
“She has an amazing core with 6-pack abs. I look pregnant.” Great. Do I really want 6-pack abs or am I conditioned to believe I want that? Maybe I just want the bloating to end.
“She never has chocolate. What is wrong with me?” First of all, maybe she does have chocolate and I don’t know about it. Second, daily servings of cacao are so much different than candy bars so don’t put them on the same level. Third, I am neither wrong or right nor a good or bad person based on my food choices.
“She goes hard at the gym 5 times a week. No wonder I look and feel this way. I better get my act together.” Maybe that works for her but the gym is not the only way to move. There are so many wonderful ways to exercise and it’s ok to allow gentler forms of movement to restore my body.
It’s not that she is better than you. It’s not that she is healthier than you. It’s not that she has more willpower than you. She is on a different leg of the journey and more importantly, her journey is not your journey.
Comparison is a negative emotion and negative emotions are stressful and stress is acidic and acidity hinders healing. The short of that is comparison hinders healing – the exact opposite of your hopes and intentions. Don’t let comparison consume you so fully that you are forced into inaction.
That being said…
Comparison and jealousy highlight something unawakened in you. Read that again and let it sink in.
It’s easy to think of comparison entirely as a negative beast but it does offer clues to your desires. Rather than beating yourself up for not being good enough (which, by the way, you are enough right in this very moment even if you never make one more change to your diet or health), stay curious to the aspects of your comparisons and dig deep.
For example, if you feel like you will never be able to eat as healthy as “her” it is not because you are weak or have issues or hate healthy food. But why? Only you can answer that but it could be because you are frustrated with your current diet, haven’t found foods that you like or work with your body or are missing key nutrients that leave you feeling dissatisfied and hungry.
Seeking out a solution that works for you is not about continually failing but continually tweaking. Remember, what works for her may not work for you. It is incredibly important and empowering to both listen and discover what your body is trying to tell you so that you can feel good. Comparison puts you in a position of looking to others for answers when healing is all about turning inward and listening. They don’t have the answers – only you do and they are waiting to be uncovered.